KISS OF LIFE

My doctor told me I was having a baby girl. My mother’s expression changed suddenly. She was a mother, a member of our society, so she wanted her daughter’s first child to be a son. But it was not a son. It was a daughter for me. Surprisingly my mother-in-law was over the moon. She was a mother too, a member of our society, so she wanted to see her son’s children as soon as possible. Between these wants of sons and children, they somehow noticed my silence. My both mothers thought I was upset because I was not going to give birth to a son. I did not answer them. My thoughts began where their thoughts ended.

That night I served my husband some dinner which I had hardly managed to prepare. He was happy too. He slept while thinking names for our baby girl. I took my cup of tea and went to sit out in cold with my most trusted friend, the night sky. I kept looking at the coldness of sky and before I knew I was asleep.

Next day my whole family came to celebrate the news. My brother was one of them. He was happy because his baby was going to have a baby for her. He was radiating with love. He was sitting in front me on a sofa arguing with his wife on what should be the name of their princess. I kept staring at him looking for answers that were in my mind. I kept staring at his eyes, his cheeks, his forehead, his hairline, his nose, the way he was making words to speak, his whole face. I could not get successful in finding any answers to my questions. I blinked a tear or two out of my eyes. It was my brother who invoked emotions in me at that situation, I thought. His voice was resonating in my head. I hugged him ten thousand times in my thoughts. I loved him, he was my brother.

Since I was quiet and everybody sensed it, so my family decided to take me to some outing and what they chose was a park full of children, because it just suited the occasion. There the first memory of that incident flash backed when I saw a six year old girl playing. I was touched inappropriately when he was praising my flower patterned frock. My whole body felt that flash back just like one would feel a tremor of earthquake. Suddenly I came back to my present. I started hearing voices of playful children. My family was chanting some words besides me. I struggled to hear this present world.

I came back from park quite tired and went straight to my room. I lied down on bed and kept my eyes shut to keep any image away from mind. But I could not succeed. It all was so fresh; even I thought I could feel it with enhanced emotions. I hated him. I hated his guts. I hated his presence. He was none other than my uncle, my very own maternal uncle. I was around ten years old when I realized how inappropriate his behavior was. He would caress me and touch my cheeks in front of my family. Every time he kissed me something died in me. They would always take it as love. Love it was. His love for lust. His love for some filthy acts he wanted to do. His wrong love. It showed in his eyes. I saw it. But no one else could see it.

Time passed by and as I grew I mastered the ways to avoid him. But his eyes were always following me. Like a hawk he would make his presence around me. All thought he loved me as his niece. I knew he did not. I never told directly to any one. But I sure tried to tell my mother about how uncomfortable I felt around men. She was in love with her brother. She could not see it. His elder love over shadowed my younger love. My childish voice got buried under his elder voice. He was an adult but I was a child. My behavior, my shyness, my reluctance was always given a description… “she is a child.” 

I kept thinking on how I could keep my baby girl away from my brother, her uncle? How I could keep my angel away from all men of this world? I searched for answers. I analyzed this statement and that statement and could not get to a point. All was hazy. All was unclear. But the moment I held her after her birth, I knew. I knew I had to protect her no matter what came my way.

That evening my uncle came to congratulate us all. When our eyes met, I felt a tremor again. My heart felt pain. I felt my pulse going down and my heart beating fast. My color changed. And his eyes showed he loved it. He reached to pick up my baby when suddenly I felt a spark in me. I said some word so clear that all mist went away. I reached and held my baby in my arms, close to my beating heart. He pulled himself away in a manner I knew meant what. I stood for my girl. That moment I realized I was the guarding angel sent to protect my little baby girl. I was the chosen one. I lowered my head on her and kissed her little forehead.