THAT HARD EARNED CUP OF TEA.

     He came back from office late at night and had the same old question to ask, what I did today? And as usual, I had the same old answer, “nothing”. He looked around himself and saw clean house, dinner ready and our children all set to sleep. He nodded an empty nod and asked me to make him tea. I did. He ate his dinner, talked about his day at office, all the hassle he had to go for a file, and then slept because he had to wake up early the next morning. After he slept, I made tea for myself and sat quietly on the sofa. How could he not see what I had done today? He simply ignored all of my efforts to keep the house clean. His indifference was killing me from inside. I finished my tea and went to sleep because I had to wake up early too.

     Next morning was as usual. I made him breakfast for the morning and lunch for his afternoon hunger. I made him coffee just like he wanted. He went to his office for a long day of work. How hectic that would be all, I thought. Suddenly my thoughts were diverted back to my surroundings when my baby started crying, apparently for no reason. Upon careful examination of the situation, I found out the reason. Well to be honest, I did not have to work much on the reason, he was just being cranky. He wanted me to hold him in my arms. He cried just for that. Cranky baby. Sometimes these kids test your nerves. I thought. Unexpectedly this sentence took me back to my office when I was working. I always used to say that these colleagues were testing my nerves. I remembered how irritable staff members could become. Gossiping, leg pulling, always trying to bring each other down, that was my office. I should have been awarded a certificate of patience for bearing with such colleagues, I used to exclaim. Next was the thought of my friends at office. I would be wrong if I said that all I had were bad people around me at my office. Many of them were nice decent fellows. I remembered them and kept smiling on my own.

     Later that morning my cleaning machine stopped working. I was vacuuming my carpets and it stopped. Oh the hassle! I started analyzing it and tried to make it work again. It did not. I looked for an alternative and picked up a broom to continue with my cleaning. It reminded me of one afternoon at office. I had to take printouts of some important pages but our printer gave away. I tried this and that to make it work again. But it did not. The time was running short so I looked for alternatives, writing! I jotted down all those important points on a paper and headed straight to attend the meeting. That was fun, I thought!

     I was cooking in the kitchen when my cat decided to show up. Ms. June wanted me to pat her. She wanted love at that time. Your cat would never understand you, I reflected. I tried to make her leave the kitchen but she did not. So what I could do? I sat on a chair for her to jump on my lap. Ms. June changed her plans and went out of kitchen, just like that! I could not comprehend whether she got angry on me or she found her interest in something else. I smiled at her ever changing moods. Moods, hmm… well this was not the first moody creature I had encountered. My boss was the same. One minute my boss would be all so good to us and the next, he would rip our self esteem apart. His name was, that moody jerk. Actually not, it was what we used to call him. His parents did not name him “moody jerk”. Why they did not? We would question! I kept on smiling for many minutes.

     I was immersed in my thoughts when my phone bell rang. It was a call from school. My baby had developed some sort of irritation on his skin so I should go and pick him from school lest he become sick. I stopped my cooking, filled bowl for my cat, held up my little baby and went straight to school. There was a traffic jam on the way. I analyzed and changed my route to reach my kid in time. I reached there, picked him up and went straight to see a doctor. It all happened so quickly and after almost two hours I was back home with my kids. I hurriedly did my cleaning, separated clothes for laundry, ironed clothes and made a whole new meal. Why? because according to my older son the cooked tomatoes in curry resembled the lesion on his skin and the younger one did not want to eat because his older brother refused to eat and he thought he would be left behind from eating something heavenly that I was going to serve his older brother. I was so tired to argue that I made a whole new meal for them.

     After completing my home chores and finishing with my son’s homework, I took them outside for play. I sat on the grass thinking about how my day went. I sat their reflecting on all the stuff I did till this afternoon. I thought about all the work I did the other day, and the day previous to the other day and earlier and before. I thought about indifference of my husband the day before. I was hurt. Why he could not see what I had done the whole day? How could he ignore all the chores I did at home. Why? I started analyzing our conversation, every bit of it. Then I realized something. It was I who did not tell him what I did. It was I who undermined my own self. It was I who did not acknowledge what I had been doing all day. How could I expect appreciation from others if I was not sure about my achievements? I was doing job. A job of a housewife. My life was same like that when I worked in office. Probably a cranky baby was not comparable to terrible colleagues, or a cleaning machine to a printing machine, or a boss to a pet cat. Probably my picking up my son from school and taking him to a hospital did not correspond to me rushing to our second office building in downtown for some urgent work. Probably. But these were all works. All sorts of works that I would do on a daily basis. I was not comparing the outside world with my in-house comfortable world. The challenges might seem different with dissimilar intensities but my work at home could not be taken for granted. I had been a caretaker of our house. I was a cook, cleaner, entertainer, concierge, trainer, electrician, plumber, gardener, maid, custodian, janitor, psychologist, counselor, manager, teacher, play date, and above all, a mediator for my kids. I had to start acknowledging my self. It was nobody’s fault but mine. I had to start taking pride in my work. I was a housewife! Right with this word I heard a loud cry; my baby had toppled from see-saw. Boy! I could not even think for a minute. I rushed to him and took my children inside.   

     That night he came from office, all tired. He asked me the same question, “So what did you do all day?” I told him. I told him about all what I had done that day. He looked around himself and saw clean house, dinner ready and our children all set to sleep. He nodded but not an empty nod. He smiled and offered to make tea for me. We smiled together. He handed me a hot mug of tea and sat beside me. I looked at the tea. I inhaled its aroma, I admired its sight and took a deep breath to take a sip of that tea. It was perfect. Perfect ratio of milk, tea, sugar and a bit of coffee sprinkled on it. Perfect love. This was my salary. A cup of tea made with love. I looked at what I had earned after work of all day, I looked at that hard earned cup of tea!

                                                                 Purrfect!

Where are we wrong?

     This is a story that has been circulating on social media for quite long. I had read it like four or five years ago. Then I kept reading it. I always liked it since the message it wanted to portray was superb. Until now. Yes, until now. Recently I saw this post again on somebody’s page. This particular post has 5,455 share and more than ten thousand likes, hearts or wow. But I did not like it this time. Here it is for you to read:

                                       

     It narrates a story that a poor man bought chicken and gave it to his wife for cooking. She cooked it. But the curry had high quantity of salt. Due to that the curry became too saltish to eat. The poor man had not eaten chicken or meat in past six months. This was his first chicken dish in six months. He became angry. He became angry that why there was high amount of salt in it. But he kept on eating it. He did not say a word to his wife. He thought he should pardon his wife because if it were his daughter he would have wanted his son in law to pardon her. Also, his wife was a daughter of some one else and a human made by Allah. So he pardoned his wife for putting extra salt in the chicken which he had bought after a lot of hard work. After his death some saint saw him in dream and asked about his meeting with the Lord Almighty. He told the saint that Allah started telling him about his sins so he thought he would go straight to hell. But then Allah forgave him, reason was that he once forgave his wife for putting extra salt in chicken curry. Allah told him that he did not scold her or beat her up with a stick and forgave her for Allah’s sake so Allah forgave him too.

     Isn’t it a spiritual story? So what was the reason that I did not like it this time when I read it? I asked myself. I am a good muslim and always believes in the mercy of The Most Merciful. Then why I did not like it? So what is the problem in that, one may ask? Ask yourselves too that what is wrong in this story? Do you find anything incorrect in it?

     Well let me explain. First of all, nothing is mentioned about the nature of that woman’s act. Was it deliberate or was that unintentional? If it was unintentionally done then how could a husband “forgive” his wife on an accidental act? He did “sabr” on this unintended work of his wife. He did not “forgive” her! And what if she did it intentionally, then who gave him the right to “forgive” her? Do you see it?

     Why do we have to be reminded again and again that a wife is not a servant of her husband? No Islam has ever said that. Pick one Hadi or Ayah where Allah or His Messenger has said that?  No! Allah clearly said in Chapter-2 of Quran, Surah Al-Baqara:

“On the night of the fast it is lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives.  They are clothing/covering (libaas) for you and you for them….”

(2:187)

What is the role of “libaas” on a person? It is the most intimate thing which hides and adorns a person. So that is what Allah made spouses for each other.  

Then my Lord described another beautiful nature of humans:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.  Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

(30:21)

     He created humans. He made a system to multiply the number of His creatures. He created a whole system of hormones in us. And with that he created a natural fondness between the opposite genders. It is all science. And to fulfill that urge of fondness between genders, He created “Nikkah”, a verbal bond that unite two people together. He did not mention anywhere to attain tranquility by beating or scolding your wife. He cleared it by describing that He placed affection between the two. so it is through love that you shall find tranquility from your spouse. If Allah is so thoughtful that He described even the mode of tranquility, then how come He can forgive a person because “that person forgave his wife on putting extra salt in curry and did not beat her.”

Another verse is:

“And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be a source of comfort/happiness/consolation, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."

(25:74)

Allah mentioned the supplication for good wives and He completed it with the supplication of righteousness. And righteousness is giving love to wives not beating or scolding them. Our Prophet (PBUH) described righteousness through his (PBUH) actions.

“It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (PBUH) said: “The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468)     

“It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

This is the righteousness!

     My point is, please understand what Allah has given us. The post under scrutiny does not seem damaging, people may say it was a one harmless post, or, see the positive message in it and forget the other one. But no! Problem is that people are liking it or sharing it by thinking that it is permissible in Islam to hit a wife if she puts extra salt in curry! No it is not! She is a wife, not a possession. She is the same human as you are in front of Allah. What differs you two will be the “taqwaa” on the Judgment Day. My issue is that women are liking it by accepting so easily that it is allowed in Islam to hit a wife. Please try to stop spreading wrong message in the name of Islam. And secondly, what is the reference of this story? A conversation with Allah is mentioned in it, so where is the reference? And how authentic the reference is, if any? Isn’t it a “bidaah” or perhaps “kufr” to say words on behalf of THAT ALMIGHTY ONE?!

     Also, you might have read this particular ayah of Surah- AnNissa, a lot.

“Men are the protectors/guardians and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore/so the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to the husband), and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct (nushuz), admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) separate from them; but if they obey you, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).”

(4:34).

This ayah summarizes an important lesson, what if a wife disobeys her husband? It is a great sin and there is a reason why Allah has made it a sin. As He has made the men protectors of their wives so the wives have to obey them unless the wives may get into trouble by not obeying or listening to their husbands. Like if a man asks his wife to not buy a suit because he has not enough money left, she must obey him. If a man asks his wife to stop meeting someone because that particular person may be harm to them, she must obey him, if a man asks his wife to cook for him or clean his clothes she should, so on and so forth. This is the obedience which our Islam has asked women to follow. Not that he keeps on scolding you or beating you and you keep on obeying him. Now see another ayah from the same chapter which perhaps is not discussed very much:

“And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.” (4:128)

So Allah gave both husbands and wives equal rights, just the contexts are different given that these two genders play different roles in life.

     There are so many references from Islam that I can discuss here, on rights of both husbands and wives, but let us just remain with these few. Hope this post will make you to think a bit!