"My Countless gods"

     Like any other Muslim, I too, believe in one God. But little did I know that I was blessed with many more gods. How come I could have countless gods will unfold in coming lines.

     I read this post on Facebook and could not help but yell "Amazing!" All I saw was beauty in this girl but when I started reading her story I just wanted to go and hug her tight! It was like looking at my own reflection in the mirror. I have heard a lot, and by "a lot" I mean "aaaaaaa lottttttt" on being skinny. Same here, not just by my age fellows but by many people I came across. Even the most educated lots called the teachers! But this stupid body bashing took its dirty shape in university. My days at Kinnaird College and before it made me confident enough to love myself. Then I joined my university in MPhil with same spirit but eventually I got to see how hideous people can be! Not all are bad. I have found so many who love me the way I am, not for my physique but for my mind and soul.

     But then I came to realize that only bad people see badly in others. Thankfully I didn't have to wait for years to get back my confidence, I am quite stubborn in loving myself the way I am, but those couple of years were not good either. They all came with crying, pitying, doubting, whining and complaining. And the most common judgment used to be the concern of people on my marriage. Yes! That how will I get married with being such skinny, or how any guy will like me if I stay that way. For them my only purpose was to get married and give birth to a zillion babies (which is impossible in any case by the way).

     I tried from confronting to crying but nothing changed, because, I realized ugliness can never change.

     And then, as I have mentioned earlier, I am stubborn in loving myself the way I am, I see positivity in every situation, so I found out positivity in this too. I started to analyze what was wrong. There were two possibilities, either I was wrong or the other person. I took guidance from both the Islamic studies and my upbringing and came to the conclusion that I was not wrong. The fault lied in the other person pointing at my “so-called flawed body”. I can never understand what others get by bashing people. Anyway, I analyzed the whole situation and came to these conclusions:

1) I came to know that only bad people know how to criticize others.

2) Only low people will comment at such low level.

3) Family values matter and comments of people show how they are brought up.

4) No matter what, Allah is there!

5) Speak up.

6) Let bad people know that they are wrong and bad.

7) Never try to hurt others and reach their level to come back at them, let them be at their low.

8) See positivity in every situation.

9) Find yourself!

10) Stand up for other people.

11) Do not hesitate in telling your fears or insecurities.

12) Put your efforts in becoming successful.

13) Never loose your confidence for some stupid people.

14) People show their selves.

15) You do not have to react to every person.

16) Enjoy being you.

17) Find your strengths.

18) Stop anyone if they make any stupid comment about others in front of you, and last but not the least.

19) Don’t give a fuck what people think about you!

     This body shaming is not just on being skinny; so many people get ridiculed for being fat! Now, why? Girls join gyms, stop eating food and do what ever they can to shed few kilos, but for what? Because they may have been tortured in their lives. And it is not only limited to girls. Men are body shamed every now and then. And one can only imagine what harsh comments they go through. They may hide it behind the so-called tough male-exterior of them but deep inside they have been hurt in their lives.

     Many young girls go though this phase. Some people may say, so what, keep going. But not all can have a family like I have. I know how my parents brought me up, telling me the value of good soul rather than that of a beautiful body. Not all can forget all this and remain their usual sweet. Not all know how to change this negativity to their value. Not all can keep their spirits high in all such cynicism. Not all can keep all this pessimism away from their own personality.

   I always try to stand up against it where ever I can. I do not hear comments on someone’s physique. I straightforwardly tell that person to stop and think what they are saying. I know it may not create much difference but I know it will create difference, if it is in only one person’s life! So my friends stand against this stupidity and stop anyone you see commenting on some one’s physique.

     I thank all such gods of mine for liberating my thoughts and soul.

     

     To the stunning smile I know!

                                                              👊💖💖

“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another”

     People are strange. Behaviors are strange. Thoughts are strange. I write this with having four cases in my mind. Few days ago there was Mr. Imdad Pitafi, Minister for Works and Services Sindh, making indecent remarks against fellow MPA. Only that this fellow MPA was a female. And supporting this minister was Nawab Taimur Talpur, who wasted no time to make some indecent noises in the assembly. I am short of words on this incident because these men are those who are picked by the people to serve them. (They are supposed to be serving the people but who cares!)

Second is the case of Zeenat Bibi's murder. The girl was burnt to death by her mother and family after she eloped and married a guy of her choice. Third is the ongoing sexual harassment case against the boss in one of the channels of Pakistan. This case is put against the boss by two female anchors. Since I happen to know the scenario so will not say anything more but that females do know how to use their femininity. Not all times a man is evil. Sometimes the evil wears makeup and walk in heels. And fourth case is that of Atif Aslam rescuing some girls at his concert.

     In all these above mentioned scenarios, women are victimized. In first two mentioned cases, the females are targeted. In the third mentioned case the women in plain sight are not that much victimized. And finally, in case of Atif Aslam saving girls from harassment, the side of the guy’s story has emerged lately. I cannot verify either side since I do not happen to know exactly what happened, but still I add it here. You will come to know why.

     Yes women are victimized in these cases for reason none other than their gender. You may be thinking yes it is evident so what is new? Let me explain it to you.

yes, from google images.

     Whenever a male commits a crime, like harassing, rapping, beating, teasing a female; some common comments come out. "What if she was your wife, daughter, mother or sister?" “Would you have done all this then?" "Do you want all this to happen to them?" "Haven't you ever thought about them?" "Is that what your mother taught you?" Etc etc. These sentences look quit philosophical. One may think that whoever has said them was wise enough to point the reality to the culprit. But it is not. It is not philosophical to say such things. It is not wise, it is not good or it is not morally high. These sentences are derogatory to women. If a man has committed a crime, no relation of his; let it be man or a woman, is responsible for his crime. A person is responsible for his or her actions. When do we stop putting blame on females for what they did not do?

     I have come across many so called deep thoughts of so called social media scholars who try to convince males to see other women with respect. People vehemently share them on their walls to give lessons to other people. The tool used to convince them, same old 'your woman' card. Many people believe that if a male goes on to rape any female or flirt, hurt or have an affair with other female then the women of his family will pay penalty to his price. Logic asks, why? Why would I pay off if my male hurts any other female? NO! The only person to meet the consequences of his acts will be that guy doing the evil deeds.

     If I put it in Islamic light it becomes clearer that no one is here to forfeit the evil deeds of other. Here are some verses for your consideration:

Surah Al-Isra', (Verse 15), “Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And never would We punish until We sent a messenger.”

Surah Fussilat, (Verse 46), " Whoever does righteousness - it is for his [own] soul; and whoever does evil [does so] against it. And your Lord is not ever unjust to [His] servants.”

Surah Fatir, (Verse 18), “And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And if a heavily laden soul calls [another] to [carry some of] its load, nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative. You can only warn those who fear their Lord unseen and have established prayer. And whoever purifies himself only purifies himself for [the benefit of] his soul. And to Allah is the [final] destination.”

Need more to say?

     What I have come across is that this blaming on the women of the culprit is actually a step towards the common thinking of honor killings and vani in our region. This blaming-the-woman mentality prevails in our society and shockingly, women are here to believe in it! A criminal never goes out and commits a big crime. There are many smaller thoughts and actions that add up and then boom…the crime is committed. What are honor killings? Her actions are not approved by the family and a female is killed for supposedly bringing shame to the family. Nineteen years old Zeenat Bibi was killed because her family thought she brought shame to them by marrying off a guy of her choice. Why the family has tied their so called honor with what their daughter does?

In vani, a woman is punished for what she has not done. So when we utter something like what if this happened with your so and so female member, we are actually trying to say that stop right there or something like this may happen to her. Isn't this what happen in the practice of vani? Again I say, start blaming the criminal, not anyone else.